Out of Office: The Loss of Community

What have you taken for granted? Maybe it’s the sun’s yellow and orange rays rising over the horizon every morning. It could be the crafted coffee your partner gives you as you run out the door for work. Is it something that has consistently been in your life for years, and now it’s nowhere to be found? I’ve realized over the years: I have taken my general health, the ability to walk to a gym in my neighborhood, friends living in the same city, etc. for granted. I’ve taken conveniences for granted, and when I no longer have them, that’s when I notice the void and its impact in my life.

What have you taken for granted? Maybe it’s the sun’s yellow and orange rays rising over the horizon every morning.

I have worked in an office setting since 2011. I have commuted to downtown Chicago for five days a week, for roughly 50 weeks a year every year until 2020. It might sound corny and maybe a little like Michael Scott from The Office, but I built friendships, connections, and even family at my office jobs. I think it’s impossible to be around the same people for hours at a time and not form a bond over shared experiences and interests. I won’t go so far to say I am friends with every coworker, but think about your work life and see if you would consider two or three people your friends: people you would hang out with outside of the office, someone you would call if you had an emergency or needed to vent about something in your life?

I used to play intramural beach volleyball with coworkers against other companies at North Ave Beach, and after they put a beating on us, we would walk over to the Old Town neighborhood to get dinner to replenish our energy, laugh about the games, and rest. Even some coworkers who didn’t want to play would come watch and fellowship with us after the game. I met people from across the company, as it expanded my social circle with those who weren’t on my team at work. It connected me to others who liked to be active, go out after work, and who lived close by. I would also tag along when some talked about going to concerts after work on a Wednesday or Thursday, because why not?! I love live music and Chicago has excellent concert venues and community, and I enjoy discovering new sounds I’d never otherwise experience. And you cannot begin to imagine the dozens of happy hours spent laughing and venting about work, life, and love with those that I spend 8-10 hours with 5 days a week. 

My community at work wasn’t only built by doing activities after work, it was also built within the four walls of the office; discussing the shared experience of commuting to work, complaining about the daily grind, talking about weirdos on the train, commiserating on frustrations with the work, expressing the joys of accomplishing personal milestones, etc. These many aspects of meeting together in person halted in early 2020, and soon after realizing we wouldn’t only be home for two weeks to a month, I began to subconsciously mourn the loss of this big community. If you had the privilege to stay home, working from home every day was an adjustment for us all. It was especially an adjustment for me, as an extrovert who could spend all my days and nights with others, only coming home to sleep and shower, but who lived alone. I had to learn ways to be there for myself to fulfill what was missing from not being around people. Whew, what a time!

You cannot begin to imagine the dozens of happy hours spent laughing and venting about work, life, and love with those that I spend 8-10 hours with 5 days a week.

I am currently working at a company where we have a hybrid working model, as I think many are experiencing. Even though we are coming into the office over a couple days a week, I am still acutely aware of the loss of community that I don’t think will ever be realized again. At least, not any time soon. There are people I’ll never see again, whether they left the company or moved away, and even those who I see on a random Tuesday, we don’t hang out the way we did previously because their familial situation has changed or they live farther away, etc. We would have to be very intentional about how we visit together and that isn’t always possible. However, this is in no way a call to make people go into the office, as I think one should decide what’s best for them, based on a myriad of reasons. This is a love letter to acknowledge what we had and perhaps a way to move past what’s behind us, and imagine a new way of connecting. 

I took that community for granted. I didn’t particularly do anything to specially craft the cohesion of the community. It simply was. On the other side of it, I now know that a community worth having is worth working for. I’ll take this as a charge to create ways to show up for my friends that might not look like how it did before, but that can be just as strong, or stronger now that I am more aware of the importance of its presence. I would like to include you in my challenge to think of some ways you can be intentional about connecting with your community, whether you’re still in step with your existing circle or you’re searching to form new bonds. It might be that this is a casual group of acquaintances in mind or maybe this is a tight-knit circle that you consider your chosen family.

1. How can you consciously show up for those around you? Perhaps you enjoy planning a lunch get together where you can connect over salads and sandwiches, to see how you can support each other in any current or future trying times.

2. How can you ask and accept help from your people without feeling like a burden? We all deserve to have a safe space where we can share, feel accepted, and cared for.